It has been a long time since I’ve posted an entry here. I ran out of things to say, dealt with a number of life challenges, and number one of them trying to sort out how to move out of a toxic relationship. It was holding me back for quite a while. At the same time trying to find the right kind of environment to continue my spiritual education and the spiritual education of my son. The toxic relationship of which I speak was with my previous mentor. I may address this in further detail, but that’s a matter for another time. Since leaving her group I was able to invest myself more fully with others with whom I share so much in common. It has also enabled me to consider other options on the horizon. My own spiritual education is more than learning and growing on a path, but connecting with others of like mind. I had one such opportunity present itself recently. In the past several months I’ve begun to recognize the deepening of the spiral. It is the path that winds us back through lessons we thought we had learned in order to gain deeper insight. One way in which the spiral manifested itself in my life was through a friendship I’ve only barely began to cultivate, I learned about a path that brought me back to face all of those things about myself I tried to run from when I was younger. Part of this awareness followed a funerary/closure rite I helped officiate for a friend who recently lost her mother. It made me realize that I do possess a very strong affinity for psychopomp work, which, ironically, I had been doing the entire time.
I have observed an increasing trend that I don’t understand. What is this obsession of certain magical groups who seem afraid of acting in unison with any spirit forms that these people think might have been invented by Man? The first time I noticed this trepidation in others was over the subject of whether or not it is futile to engage in magical practice with Cthulhu and the elder gods. And now I’m seeing the same behaviors concerning attitudes about Baphomet.
All around the internet are people who like to say that Baphomet is not a Pagan’s god, or shouldn’t be because they feel he was invented in an attempt at Christian domination over Pagan spirituality. While they can think whatever they like, I choose to do the same. It has always been my own personal belief that all of these things existed for far longer than we could possibly know, and that in the pursuit of the expression of our own creativity, we called some of these forms back into existence. This was especially my argument in response to the naysayers who feared what it could mean to work closely with Cthulhu.
I readily acknowledge that there are faces of divinity that submerge themselves back into the stream of universal consciousness when those symbols fail to touch the heart of man, in exchange for imagery that will. Baphomet strikes me very deeply as a symbol of sexuality, androgyny and the crossing or erasure of boundaries. We are living in an incredible climate rife with examples of areas where we are stretching the known boundaries of our society and redefining what we are capable of, as individuals, and as members of local, national, and global consciousness.
I recently read some comments left by some friends of mine about a time long gone. Once upon a time a bunch of us came together on a forum and chat and we talked about our experiences and beliefs of philosophy, religion, and all of our dreams, hopes and interests. We came from different countries and continents, with different life experiences, and contributed the great work of our hearts and souls to one purpose. Then, it was the greatest work of all; the search for chosen ones. It was ourselves in fact that we were searching for, and trying to unravel the mysteries of ourselves, our relationships and what motivating factors brought us here to live our lives and drive our spiritual passions.
In the comments someone said we were trailblazers for our time. I stopped to think about that and what it meant. I didn’t sign up thinking about what ppl would say about it twenty years later. It was the most important thing in my life back then; my magic, my soul, my spirituality, much like it is now. Other people did the same things, expressing their souls journey through their art and writing. I met some amazing people there and we explored friendships, relationships, and the fine art of using chat software for spiritual explorations, such as group meditations and guided past life meditations. We were writers, artists, musicians, soldiers, social workers, students, laborers, cooks, clerks. We were jews, witches, humanists, agnostics, occultists, native americans. We held varied beliefs in politics. Some of us were otherkin.
Being a part of that experience made me realize that people with far greater gaps between them can work together for the same goals if they really want it. Even though the group split apart, it was a window in time where something more important bound us in the search of things greater than ourselves, and yet it was a search for the higher vibration of ourselves, and each other. For those of us who actively choose to do so, shall we ever endeavour to have such an impact wherever we may roam. For those who do not, after having that experience it would be difficult not to see the impact we continue to have on others.
My family has lost another family member. We are dealing with the loss. I have also been recently giving serious considerations to more fully integrating ancestor reverence into my spiritual path. The last discussion Owl’s Well had about spirits and how we relate to spirits in our personal practice, reminded me of how important mediumship and channeling is to my spiritual path. Its easy to lose sight of being here now, and forgetting that not everyone has the same experiences. I shared some experiences at the discussion that I don’t usually share with people. Someone called me the Saint Louis medium. I’m not fond of titles like that for myself, but it has become very clear that this is very relevant to my path. A recent tarot reading by a very good friend of mine pointed to the exact same thing. Finding and reading The Mighty Dead by Christopher Penczak, last weekend, couldn’t have come at a more opportune time. Ancestor worship and spirit reverence has long been a part of my path, but ideas of ancestors of our passions (in my case, writing, poetry, myth, archaeology, philosophy) was not something I had ever really considered before. Ancestors of our spiritual path was an idea I have come across many times before.
Spirits of the land have been on my mind lately, especially about the ancient and eldritch energies of the land, and the history of the lands we work with. And often I find myself thinking about the prehistoric energies of the land. It is clear that there are faerie energies on my land, but also the land spirits themselves seem to have flourished as we have nurtured them through soil work, watering, and offerings.
Next month, I am leading a discussion on the autumn equinox. The subject of death and spirits isn’t far from the purpose of that discussion. It centers on underworld mythologies and the mysteries of death and rebirth, in addition to questions regarding the energy and the themes of the autumn equinox. I will be posting a brief set of notes on the autumn equinox to the writing blog so stay tuned.
We try to better ourselves and fill our lives with the things that we value. Those spiritual pursuits, however, have a way of changing us. We realize we are imperfect creatures with layers of awkward and uncomfortable shit in our lives to deal with. We know we want to do something meaningful with our lives and can’t possibly imagine how we can still be considered wise enough to counsel others when there’s so much of this personal, inner turmoil. But that’s exactly when we know that we are doing what we’re supposed to do. There’s no such thing as perfection. The imperfect know what its like, because they are living the journey of self-mastery.
And this is why I identify so closely with the underdog, the strange and unusual. The people who were cast out of paradise long ago because they move to the beat of a different drum. I identify very well with it. I’m not looking to find a safe place, just a place to call my own. Its late July and all I have is this rant. But its more than I have written in a while. So for that I am grateful.
My writing has slowed down a bit. I have spent the last couple months focusing on Pagan picnic, my Witchcraft II studies , and trying to focus on daily devotionals, and everyday life. Pagan picnic was a very exciting time for me. I gave two workshops at this year’s picnic, on Otherkin and Psychic Vampirism. It was nice to be in a public space talking to other people about these things. They are very much a part of my life, and have been for a long time, even if I haven’t been active in these communities in so long.
The rest of my time has been spent getting ready for Midsummer, preparing a ritual for Spirit’s Edge, and a salon discussion. Writing the discussion for midsummer has drawn my focus back towards the tuatha and the aes sidhe. The focus of my spirituality is tied to the spirits and gods of Norse and Celtic mythology. And for midsummer I am turning back towards the celtic (irish and welsh) gods and spirits.
This Ostara was an extraordinary opportunity. I wrote and led my very first group ritual. It was in the spirit of Northern Tradition and called upon the Norse gods. It also included a sumbel, which really amplified the feeling of ritual as a communal gathering of people. It was a very connective and powerful experience. Someone told me beforehand that it would be a wonderful experience because I was “born” to do this kind of work. I have been feeling a very strong pull in this direction for a long time, and writing/performing ritual feels very natural to me. Afterwards, everyone who attended had something to say about how it touched them on a personal level. Its nice to know that I can help connect other people with meaningful experiences.
It seems as spring has returned, so many new opportunities are arriving in my life, each of them filled with far greater expressions and chances to do things I might not have considered before. Two weeks before Ostara I led a discussion on ‘the sacrificed god’, and then alongside Ostara ritual, also led a discussion on Ostara. I have submitted a few proposals for workshops I would like to run at Pagan Picnic this year, and as soon as it is approved I will begin writing those. Also beginning to plan for Midsummer. Hoping to get the chance to vacation and attend a troth event up in Canada this summer. We will see how things develop between now and then.